Sunday, August 7, 2011

Time .

"Giving time in any relationship demonstrates our love far more powerfully than anything else"

Relationships are so important to each one of us. Whether its with our parents, siblings,  or friends.....we thrive and feel alive because of these relationships.

I have experienced a few delights and a few setbacks recently with some of my relationships. As I carefully analyzed my setbacks, I realized that giving time in any relationship is the most important ingredient. You can say you love and care a lot, but if you are never there during the time of need, then it's not good.

When you give time, the other person automatically feels loved and cared for. The sense of belonging naturally comes. When you give time and listen, the other person opens up. (S)he shares their fears, insecurities, worries, etc with you in a candid manner. It is very healthy for both parties. The person sharing is relieved of stress and feels unloaded n lighter (emotionally and mentally), whereas the person listening feels great to have been able to provide the listening ear and support. Time given in any relationship strengthens the bond between two people like nothing else does.

When only one person keeps giving the time and the other person does not reciprocate, the relationship is not healthy. You can give the benefit of doubt until a certain point, but in the long run, you are sure to get hurt. It is best if this is addressed by having a conversation early on, coz when you keep tolerating it, you go through unwanted heartache and disappointment, and keep getting hurt. Arguments and conflicts arise because the person who is hurt tries their level best to make the situation better. Honesty and transparency is also another important ingredient. If you are not giving time to a relationship because of a genuine reason, then be transparent and let the other person know. On the other hand, if you are not getting enough time, then request the other person to stop playing games and tell you the truth. If it doesn't happen, take a step back, or walk away...whatever suits you best.

I have come across many people who portray that they care a lot for me, but when I actually call them during a crisis situation, they do not reciprocate. Most people I find are truly fake. I don't know what they get by being this way, but that's how they are. Genuine people are very hard to come by. So hold on to them no matter what.

Most people I also find do not want to give the time to listen. They hear, but don't listen. They find it a waste of their time. They do expect me to listen when they need it, but are hesitant to reciprocate. I find such people selfish, and keep them away as well.

With friendships, pick and choose the genuine ones. Treasure them.. Always be there for the ones who truly care for you.  Just like other relationships, give them time when it is truly needed. Keep in touch regularly, and don't take them for granted, just because they give you more than 100% in the relationship. Make them feel cared for and loved by expressing it on a regular basis, in some form or the other. Close friendships need more nurturing than family, because it is always easy to toss out a friend from your life than a family member. So the more you nurture it and show that you care, the longer it will last.

Learn to say NO and move away from people who are time and energy sinks. It's just not worth it. Only give time to people who genuinely care for you, who admire your strengths, who help you grow, who inspire you with how they live their life, who support you, who reciprocate, and are honest, transparent and authentic.  

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